I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
