found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
