the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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