we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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