Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We had to coat check the pizza.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
