There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just had sex bonerless
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
