Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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