I need to stop coming to work sober
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
