when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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