she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
