I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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