You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
