I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
