Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
