i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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