finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
