At least make sure they are 18
Why
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
