you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
