he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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