I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
