Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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