On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
