I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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