if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The air was thick with penises
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
