How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
