dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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