I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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