i would punch a child for taco bell
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
