I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
