Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
