i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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