It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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