but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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