remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
