Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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