You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
