My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In other news, I just burned my penis
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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