dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
