I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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