1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
