A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
