how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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