I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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