3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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