omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Bring me that man meat
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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