please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
