I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
