I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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