Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...

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(498): View more from

You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.

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(561): View more from Florida

He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.

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(407): View more from Florida

Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(863): View more from Florida

my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.

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(928): View more from Arizona

You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?

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(310): View more from California

I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich

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