Do you still have your period?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
