Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
