She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize