my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
