hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
