Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
