You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
