he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
