you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
