Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
