Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
