OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
