i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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