Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
