Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
