Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
