Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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