Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
