I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
